


A Human Heart

by Shamu



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Largely implied, M/M, Xehanort & Xigbar are also touched on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 09:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shamu/pseuds/Shamu
Summary: Xemnas, Xigbar and Axel discuss some matters of the heart.A drabble that mostly touches on Xemnas's mindset from Xigbar's perspective.





	A Human Heart

The strength of the human heart is vast. That’s what Xemnas had said, in a speech not so long ago. Most often, his speeches were more like inconsequential rambles. Old wives tails lost in spindlewheels, churned up memories and mix and match thoughts that never quite made a lick of sense. And man, was he appealing to the wrong crowd. Who even listened to that mighty king way up high on his throne, anymore? 

Luxord, maybe. Sometimes he’d wonder to himself if they spoke the same alien language. A babble beyond his comprehension, the dialect you gain when your life gets shaped by those faraway concepts like ‘destiny’ and ‘fate’.

Ha. Yeah… Maybe so.  
  
But something about what Xemnas had said in that speech… something about it was just real. Something raw, for once. Unfiltered. Because not only was that strength supposed to be vast, but he wished to ‘never again’ allow it to have ‘power over’ them.    
  
Now, wasn’t that just something.  
  
“What do you think he meant, Axel?” He mused aloud, breaking his own chain of thoughts. His voice echoed through those dreary corridors, wrapping round the match-stick man with his shock of hair, those shifty snake mint eyes darting to meet his own.

“… Thought you’d be the one to ask. Don’t you write all his speeches?”  

“As if. The man gets a lot of time to think up this stuff in-between moon-talk,” Xigbar said, lazily steeping towards Axel. “But I’d say that was a pretty good one, this time around. Must have been feeling inspired.”  
  
For a manipulative assassin, Axel’s eyes betrayed him easy. The kid’s emotions were just so obvious. Everything about him screamed ‘please don’t talk to me’, stiff shoulders and those cold glances betraying his suspicions.  
  
“Hey, relax! It’s alright, I’m not trying to quiz you or anything. Scar’s in the wrong place for that,” he lifted a hand, hastily drawing an x over his forehead.

  
That seemed to do the trick, prompted a laugh at any rate. A chuckle. Maybe more of a ‘huh’, a sigh.

“C’mon. You’re fishing for something - what is you want me to say?” Axel folded his arms, tilting his head. “The usual party line? It’ll be cool when we’re all on the other side, ruling our own little world with our own little hearts. Thanks boss-man, you really came through for us.”  
  
“Ha,” Xigbar half-laughed, half-smirked. “You’re really giving me a grilling all because of a simple question. Why? Did I twist your buttons?” He leaned forwards, letting Axel get a good look as he raised his eyebrows. “Well let me just pop another one right off for you. What’s the human heart mean to you?”  
  
His eye narrowed, the gold dulling. Axel’s face didn’t betray too much this time around - maybe just a bit of irritation. But, hey. Beats doing missions, right? He slowed on down to a stop, accepting he was going to be here a while and leaned against the wall.  
  
“The human heart, right?” He leaned his head up against the wall, that smoulder of red framing his face like a lion’s mane.

“Don’t think there’s any other kind worth talking about.” Xigbar said, leaning on air - his own makeshift wall pushing against his back.

“Hmm… I don’t remember what it’s like, not really. All I’ve got’s memories - same as you. Can’t say I recall being stronger with it, though. Might say I was quite the opposite.”  
  
Memories. A heart’s full of them. Squeeze it just right, and it all comes flooding back at once.  
  
“Yeah? I guess that’s right. You were just a kid, back then. Fresh as a daisy. Then you went ahead and grew up all withered, like a dandelion. Must be weird. Growing up hollow.”

“… Sheesh,” Axel started tapping his feet, glancing to the side. “Way to make it personal.”

“Everything about what we’re doing is personal,” he cut back, grin slipping from his face. “Just like to go about it in an impersonal way. We all have reasons why we want our heart’s back. And I think I understand them all - nearly, that is. Just you I’ve got as a big fat blank. You and your blue-haired pal.”  
  
“Well. Maybe,” he said, pushing himself up from the wall. “I just wanna get some peace and quiet. Time away from all this introspection. Yeah. That’s it. When I get a heart - I’m going to do all kinds of things… like not giving a damn about why anything.”  
  
“And…” He turned his back on Xigbar, glancing briefly over his shoulder as he waved a dark portal into existence. “He’s not my pal. He’s my boss, right? Yours too. Kinda. Never have worked out what that deal is about.”  
  
The tips of Xigbar’s lips started to curl. Yeah. That bitterness betrays something else, buddy.  
  
Waving a pointed finger, Axel whistled, “Righty, I’m out. See you later, old man.”  
  
“Go ahead. Be good. Keep that kid working hard.”  
  
Batting his hand back at him, the man disappeared through the corridor, taking his distinct scent with him. Bye bye. 

You know. There wasn’t all that much to do in looming, empty corridor, so Xigbar went ahead to take this opportunity to go visit someone else.  
  
A very important someone else, as it turned out. The very same they’d been talking about. Speak of the devil and…?  
  
Oh wait, that’s right. He’s not running anywhere.

Ha ha.

“Xemnas, we got a problem.”  
  
Kingdom Hearts burned a vibrant hole in the sky, her empty chest all hollowed out. Such a poetic lie. The room seemed to pulse with its false energy, a throbbing that was all at once euphoric and unbearable. How Xemnas could stand bathing in this atmosphere was beyond him.  
  
“We planted seeds, and looks like a couple of them have gone rotten. Might turn the whole field fallow.”    
  
The atmosphere tightened, Kingdom Heart’s gravity giving him a whole load of issues trying to pinpoint anything at all. But he sure felt that. That shift. Like a groan in his stomach, twisting up all his organs.

“A fallow field may be exactly what we must reap.”  
  
Oh. 

Xemnas’s head lolled, his arms falling by his sides. Turning to face him, Xigbar saw the pain that worried his expression. For a guy who talked a whole lot about feeling nothing, that face moved in every shade of emotive.  
  
“Come here. Let me see the bounties of my harvest.”  
  
There wasn’t much choice in this. Never was. 

Nodding, Xigbar stepped cautiously towards the man, those amber eyes never quite focussing on him.    
  
“Yes… The seeds in your heart appear to have taken deep root. Soon, there may nothing left of the soil.”  
  
Xemnas stared right at him and right through him all at once, his expression still oddly pained.  
  
“Don’t have a heart, remember…?” He said, weakly. They both knew this lie. Would laugh about it, sometimes, lit by the glow of that plastic moon. Xemnas wasn’t laughing today.  
  
He just looked… sad.  
  
About to try and steer the conversation on back to the potential traitors to their little game, Xemnas moved and it was like his mouth was sewn shut. A warm hand was suddenly on his shoulder, those eyes brighter than the pale glow of Kingdom Hearts.  
  
He knew what this meant.It was not long until those firm fingers departed from his shoulder, winding instead to the nape of his neck, gripping the curve of his hair-tie.  
  
He opened his mouth, “Xe-“  
  
“Silence.”  
  
Fine.  
  
He bowed his head, letting Xemnas slip the bauble from his hair. The room seemed different, then. The glow growing more cold.  Not like they hadn’t danced this dance before. Whole lifetimes of this, different vessels, same story. Not like it couldn’t be enjoyable, even if both of them knew that wasn’t at all the main purpose, not at all.  
  
So why was Xigbar feeling so fucking tense?  
  
Xemnas seemed to tower over him, the tips of his hair the only parts of him that seemed to catch the light of that moon. Even those ember eyes seemed burnt out. Come on. Just do it. What are you waiting for? This lifetime doesn’t seem to be the kind that particularly likes when I take the lead, so can you just hurry this little show along? Xeha-  
  
Those fingers returned to his hair, brushing along his scalp in a way that shot tingling stars right down his spine.   
  
What -?  
  
Xemnas was…  
  
Tying up his hair?  
  
A high pony this time, with one long strand pulled forwards into makeshift bangs. Must have looked a mess, without a brush - but Xemnas approached it with such focus, such tenderness… Xigbar’s insides squirmed, embarrassment slapping his cheeks.  
  
“This is new, but… whatever suits you.”  
  
He ignored him. Didn’t even tell him to shut up. Punish him for his cheek, just like the old coot would have done. No. Xemnas was a whole different being entirely, transported to a totally different plane.    
  
“You like what you see?” He asked, coyness somehow feeling totally out of place. Damn it, with Demyx or Luxord this kind of confidence would come easy - but with the way those words just pitter-pattered off Xemnas’s chest without giving an inch… It made the blush on his face worsen, his eye tilting downwards.  
  
Xemnas suddenly lost it. The soft hands on his face gripped down, Xigbar’s eye flaring open and staring up accusingly. No. No, no no no - we’ve done this before, this tango where you steal my heart. You don’t need to do that again, we don’t -  
  
The fingers softened again, but the tension remained shot through his shoulders. The touch was different this time, more possessive. Crueller, perhaps. More familiar.  
  
“Enough of this insolence.”  
  
He could deal with this.  
  
Yeah, he could deal with this.  
  
“Do not forget that I was the one who did this to your face.”  
  
Which side was he talking about? Just who exactly was he talking as?  
  
Yellow eye narrowed, the socket vaguely stung.  
  
“Okay, okay. I’ve got the message. It’s… It’s alright.”  
  
Avoiding names just in case we got another ‘It’s Ansem’ situation, he focussed on trying to diffuse all this.  
  
“I’ll keep it zipped. I promise.”  
  
Now, where they going to move onto the action or wha- Xemnas remained silent, but his hands were now touching his face. Erratically, as though in utter disbelief. His expressions shifted between the usual long-suffering wide-eyed gaze and something closer to ecstatic joy. A sense of absolution. Of something white hot and intense that Xigbar could not even begin to understand until -  
  
Until those fingers ran gently across his scars.Something tender, so tender, the kind of touch you reserve for a sick kitten. A mix of pity and reverence. A touch for a ghost. 

It’s not Xemnas that’s staring down at him. 

And it’s not Xigbar that he’s seeing.  
  
He closed his eye. He didn’t want to see it, not anymore - that haunted expression. That man who was touching a ghost.  
  
Terra.  
  
You’re still in there, aren’t you?  
  
Burrowed your way in, nice and deep.  
  
Go on. Why don’t you say that name. That name you so desperately want to call me. Think I can squeeze in one more nickname, how about that - just for you?  


Eraqus had these scars too, didn’t he.  
  
Same cause, too.    
  
This feeling… these weird, displaced, fragile feeling - he wish he’d just fucked him. He wish he’d just held his head down and went for it, it would be so much easier to bear than this.  
  
Hurts, doesn’t it?  
  
Well. Good thing the strength of a human heart is vast. Right, Xemnas?  
  
Lifting his hands, Xigbar - oh so carefully, far too cautiously - wrapped his arms around him. An embrace. For old times sake. Fingers that pressed hard against the man’s back, hoping to suppress the shaking.    
  
Terra - Xehanort, whoever it was, they didn’t respond. But it was okay. Something about the stillness was all that they needed.  
  
A moment of silence later, and the man released him. Turned, then, to Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Hands stretching back up towards the moon.  
  
Reaching for some distant memory, echoing from some shattered chasm.  
  
“Almighty Kingdom Hearts, we shall soon be one. A higher existence awaits us both.”  
  
Will you feel whole again, then? Is that what you hope for?  
  
Xigbar touched his face, undid that messy ponytail. That’s enough pretend, for now. We’ll talk about Axel some other day, he guessed.  
  
With a wave, he vanished into the darkness - leaving this room to its pining.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I would really appreciate if you could take the time to leave some feedback - particularly as this is my first time writing for any of these characters in a fic-length piece. Let me know your thoughts, constructive comments always welcomed.


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